You see a lot written and hear a lot of talk about happiness these days. Parents say, “I just want my children to be happy.” Young grooms-to-be say, “I just want to make her happy.” Young brides-to- be say, “I just want to make him happy.” And I often hear the disappointed and disillusioned say, “I just want to be happy.”
I’m quite sure you cannot make someone else happy. Happiness is an “inside” job. Happiness is more about what is going on inside a person rather than what is going on outside. And I’m not so sure happiness should be our goal. When happiness becomes our goal it becomes very allusive. Happiness is the by-product of a life well lived. Maybe one’s ultimate goal should be to be useful.
Here’s a great Albert Schweitzer quote:
I read a great article recently titled, “Things Happy People Don’t Do.” Here are a few thoughts gleaned from the article along with a few observations of my own.
Happy people don’t blame other people for their problems. Happy people take responsibility for their lives. They rarely, if ever, participate in “the blame game.” Blaming other people leads to more unhappiness because it is psychologically dis-empowering. If someone else is responsible for our problems we fall into the role of victim.
Happy people don’t use negative language. They rarely chastise themselves, or criticize or insult other people, either out loud or in their internal self-talk. Happy people can accept a compliment without turning it into a negative comment about themselves.
Happy people work hard at the art of “having something good to say.” Besides, if you are constantly saying and hearing negative words, you have a tendency to believe them.
Happy people don’t dwell on past failures. We all have our failures – lots of them.
John Greenleaf Whittier wrote, “Of all sad words of tongue or pen; the saddest are these, it might have been.” I think it is a human tendency to go back and visit the worst of our pasts and then use it to beat ourselves up. It is a trap happy people avoid. Sometimes you just have to let some things go.
Happy people don’t gossip. Someone has said,” Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and little people talk about other people”.
Happy people don’t break confidences. They can be trusted. If they have something critical to say about someone else, they either say it directly to that person or they don’t say it at all.
Happy people don’t spend more time than necessary around unhappy people.
I have come to call this concept “selective association.” There are, in my opinion, two basic types of people – the ones who build you up, and the ones who tear you down. Happy people prefer to spend more time with the ones who build them up.
Happy people don’t focus on a single passion or relationship. In other words, happy people don’t “put all their eggs in one basket.” Happy people have multiple interests.
This diversification of interests reduces the risk that their happiness will suffer a catastrophic loss. Happy people are always broadening their horizons and trying new things.
Happy people don’t give up on their dreams. The Good Book says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” We must all have a vision – one that is greater than ourselves. Happy people refuse to allow “the weight of this world” to crush them.
They hold on tenaciously to the dream of a day when “they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn of war anymore.”
“And there will be peace in the valley….”
Copyright 2024 by Jack McCall
