I have a big tree in my back yard. No, it’s not a big tree. It is a giant oak. This tree is so big if I tried to run a lap around it, I would be out of breath. It is a monster.
When Kathy and I moved into the house where I now live, I found the shadow it cast to be unsettling. Three of its great limbs reached out over the house. In my dreams I saw one of them crashing through the roof and landing in our bed. Then,too, I grew tired of hearing acorns pelting the roof, especially after hours. Something had to be done.
So, I called on a local “tree” guy named “Lightning Gregory.” (You have to love a man named “Lightning.”) He came, he saw, and he conquered. But he admitted it to be one of the most difficult tree situations with which he had ever dealt. I slept better.
Two weeks ago, the limb on this ancient oak which reached to the north came crashing to the ground. Fortunately, it ran parallel to my house. This limb, at its base, is bigger than most of the trees in my yard. Its terminal branches reached almost to my neighbor’s property line. What to do?
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I have been concentrating on dropping a few pounds as of late. I’ve cut back on sugar and bread, but my efforts at exercising have fallen short.
As I have studied this monstrous limb lying in my back yard, (I have noticed it is not going away.) my mind has journeyed back to my days on the farm. In those days if you wanted to lose a few pounds or tighten up your stomach muscles, you had a number of options. You could clean out a fence row. You could do some serious fencing, using hand-driven post-hole diggers. You could haul hay or tobacco. Or you could “run” a chainsaw for a while. I have opted for the chainsaw. I am going to “limb” this limb. Or, like the Little Red Engine That Could, “I think I can.”
I will be tuning up my chainsaw and sharpening its blade. I am fully aware I am dealing with oak – hard as nails. I may even bring in my larger chainsaw and sawing up the massive truck of this limb. Maybe I’m dreaming. I could even see myself splitting up large blocks of wood with my wood splitter. Now, I know I’m dreaming.
Years ago, at Christmas, I purchased a top-of-the-line wood splitter at the Smokey Mountain Knife Works. It is fashioned of hickory and the finest Swiss steel. It is a thing of beauty. It was a Christmas present to me from me. My plan includes putting it to good use on this undertaking.
And to let you know I am serious, and at the same time a realist, I have ordered extra Icy Hot, Advil, Bengay, and yes, horse liniment.
Speaking of Christmas, I hope this limb is gone by then. I have the best of intentions.
But I may have to call “Lightning.”
Copyright 2024 by Jack McCall
