On the Subject of Happiness

You see a lot written and hear a lot of talk about happiness these days. Parents say, “I just want my children to be happy.” Young grooms-to-be say, “I just want to make her happy.” Young brides-to- be say, “I just want to make him happy.” And I often hear the disappointed and disillusioned say, “I just want to be happy.”

I’m quite sure you cannot make someone else happy. Happiness is an “inside” job. Happiness is more about what is going on inside a person rather than what is going on outside. And I’m not so sure happiness should be our goal. When happiness becomes our goal it becomes very allusive. Happiness is the by-product of a life well lived. Maybe one’s ultimate goal should be to be useful.      

Here’s a great Albert Schweitzer quote:

“One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve.”

I read a great article recently titled, “Things Happy People Don’t Do.” Here are a few thoughts gleaned from the article along with a few observations of my own.

Happy people don’t blame other people for their problems. Happy people take responsibility for their lives. They rarely, if ever, participate in “the blame game.” Blaming other people leads to more unhappiness because it is psychologically dis-empowering. If someone else is responsible for our problems we fall into the role of victim.

Happy people don’t use negative language. They rarely chastise themselves, or criticize or insult other people, either out loud or in their internal self-talk. Happy people can accept a compliment without turning it into a negative comment about themselves.           

Happy people work hard at the art of “having something good to say.” Besides, if you are constantly saying and hearing negative words, you have a tendency to believe them.       

Happy people don’t dwell on past failures. We all have our failures – lots of them.

John Greenleaf Whittier wrote, “Of all sad words of tongue or pen; the saddest are these, it might have been.” I think it is a human tendency to go back and visit the worst of our pasts and then use it to beat ourselves up. It is a trap happy people avoid. Sometimes you just have to let some things go.         

Happy people don’t gossip. Someone has said,” Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and little people talk about other people”.    

Happy people don’t break confidences. They can be trusted. If they have something critical to say about someone else, they either say it directly to that person or they don’t say it at all.

Happy people don’t spend more time than necessary around unhappy people.

I have come to call this concept “selective association.” There are, in my opinion, two basic   types of people – the ones who build you up, and the ones who tear you down. Happy people prefer to spend more time with the ones who build them up.         

Happy people don’t focus on a single passion or relationship. In other words, happy people don’t “put all their eggs in one basket.” Happy people have multiple interests.

This diversification of interests reduces the risk that their happiness will suffer a catastrophic loss. Happy people are always broadening their horizons and trying new things.         

Happy people don’t give up on their dreams. The Good Book says, “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” We must all have a vision – one that is greater than ourselves. Happy people refuse to allow “the weight of this world” to crush them.

They hold on tenaciously to the dream of a day when “they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn of war anymore.”              

“And there will be peace in the valley….”

Copyright 2024 by Jack McCall        

Boys and Girls of Summers Past

Many years ago, when burley tobacco was king in Middle Tennessee late  of June and early July would find most tobacco “laid by.” Dark green and growing, burley seemed to thrive as temperatures were on the rise. By then, my father would be looking ahead to July 4, a day when his sons were conscripted to fall in and “top” tobacco and dig potatoes. And hot? It mattered not.

When we grew older and had other holiday plans, those plans were put on hold until the work was done. We never resented it. It was part of the call of farm life. Looking back, I have come to realize we grew up in a Golden Age.

Neighbors helped neighbors. Swapping work was as natural as breathing. Dependability was the order of the day.

I say it was a Golden Age because of the security which surrounded us. We encountered “absolutes” at every turn.

You absolutely attended church on Sunday. You absolutely remembered the Sabbath Day to keep it Holy. (Unless the ox was in the ditch.) You absolutely respected parental authority. If you got a paddling or whipping (I hesitate to use the word “whipping” because it seems so severe in today’s world) at school, you absolutely got another one when you got home. I was introduced to a paddle on more than one occasion, beginning in the 1st grade, and so far, it seems I did not suffer any permanent mental of emotional scars.

You were absolutely expected to carry your share of the load. You could absolutely count on your neighbor. You were absolutely expected to show good manners. Adults were absolutely shown respect.

The boys and girls of those summers experienced the hazards of life, first hand. Sometimes newborn calves didn’t make it, hens were snatched away by predators, and occasionally puppies and kittens died.

Speaking of hazards, most of us ran barefooted in the summertime. Shoeless feet fell prey to honeybees, rusty nails and broken fruit jars. I ended the life of many a honeybee. Any country boy or girl knows the honeybee gives up its life in its last defense. I have pulled many a honeybee stinger from the floor of my foot. If my foot wasn’t too dirty my father would attempt to suck out the poison. Baking soda paste or tobacco juice was good for drawing out the venom.

Rusty nails were another story. In my mother’s mind puncture wounds were serious business. Rust only complicated the situation. To her, blood poisoning was no laughing matter. If you were stuck with a rusty nail, you were going to be stuck with a tetanus shot. No two ways about it.

Broken fruit jars lying in tall grass were altogether another matter. They were known to “lay a foot wide open.” My bothers and I have scars to prove it.

After enduring the scorching heat we have experienced lately, a friend asked, “How did y’all deal with 90 degree-plus temperatures when you worked on the farm?”

“First of all,” I said. “We didn’t know about the “heat index” or the “wind chill factor” when I was growing up. Hot was hot, and cold was cold. Secondly, we did not have to be reminded to hydrate. If you sweated a lot, you had sense enough to drink a lot of water.”

When the temperature climbed into the 90’s, we went to work before daylight. (My brothers and I handed up many a load of tobacco under the beam of truck headlamps.) Then, to use my brother, Tom’s words, we “dogged it off” around 10:00AM , and rested during the hottest part of the day. We returned to work around 3:00PM and finished the day. Any way you count it, we managed to get our 10 hours in.

It was a good life. Sometimes hard, but good. I appreciate it more today than ever.

Copyright 2024 by Jack McCall

Drinking Water

Is nothing safe anymore? Now the people who are supposed to know are telling us that our water is not safe to drink. Americans have the safest, purest water supply in the entire world and every day someone is trying to sell me a water filtration system or trumpeting the dangers of chlorine. I wonder if anyone in modern history who was coming to the United State for a vacation has ever been warned not to drink the water. I dare say not.

When I was a kid, we thought we had struck it rich if we had a nickel to buy a “cold drink” aka “coke” (in some Southern states a “dope” or “belly warsher”), or in un-Southern states, a “pop” or “soda”. Regardless, what you called it, it was only a nickel. Today, we pay a dollar or more for a bottle of water and think nothing of it.

The best hotels supply bottled water in each room. A little sign attached to the bottle reads, “Please feel free to enjoy this refreshing bottle of water for only $5.00 or $6 or $7. So far, I have managed to resist the temptation. There are two types of running water in most hotel rooms, hot and cold. Why do hotels offer a $5.00 bottle of water? Because someone will buy it! Go figure.

When I was a boy, we carried drinking water to the fields in a gallon jug. It was one of those big-mouthed gallon jugs. Before we left the house we would fill it half-full of ice cubes. These were real ice cubes from ice trays. They were as big as square golf balls. Then we filled the jug with tap water from the well. When the top was safely on the jug, we wrapped it in newspapers to keep it cold. Then we slipped it down in a brown paper grocery sack. We rolled the top of the sack over the jug to keep the cold in and the heat out.

Upon arriving at the hay field or tobacco patch, we set the jug in the shade until we needed it. By mid-morning it was time for a break. That water was so cold that it would give you a headache if you drank it too fast.

We never took a glass or cup with us to the field. Everyone drank out of the water jug. Family, friends, neighbors and hired help all drank right out of the same jug. I was always careful to get my drink before the snuff dippers and tobacco chewers arrived. Sometimes if I was late getting to the water, I would notice an amber stain on the lip of the jug. I either wiped it off with my shirt sleeve or moved to the other side of the jug.

The introduction of the plastic milk jug changed all that. My father, ever the innovator, began filling used milk jugs half-full of water and setting them in the deep freeze. When we started to the fields, he would grab one out of the freezer and finish filling it with water. It was not necessary to insulate that jug of water or set it in the shade. It would take all day for the ice to melt. The water was head splitting cold, too.

I promise this to be true. We had one hired hand who, from time to time, would study one of those milk jugs trying to figure out how my father got the ice inside it.

Sometimes we would run out of water toward the end of the day. If my brothers and I complained loudly enough, my father would challenge us by saying, “Go get a drink in the creek.” We always protested.

He would walk us down to the edge of the creek and say, “Now see that little bluff right over there? A spring is running out from under it.”

I will admit that a trickle of water flow could usually be seen. Our father knew exactly what he was talking about, but we never admitted it to him. Then he would say, “Just put your face down in the water right up next to where the water is coming out. It’s as clean and safe as any water that you could ever drink.”

That was easy for him to say. I always envisioned a snake or snapping turtle jumping out and latching on to my nose or lip.

But, at one time or another, somewhere along the way, each of us became thirsty enough to try it. My father would hold his tongue until we were down on our knees with our faces in the water, just ready to draw in a drink. Then, he would laugh and say, “Be sure to clinch your teeth to strain out the bugs.”  

Copyright 2024 by Jack McCall

Oreo

In our small herd of crossbred cattle, we have a cow named Oreo. I say we. Actually, Oreo belongs to our granddaughter, Jane. When Jane was younger, and less busy, she named all the new-born calves. She was quite creative in her naming – Monster, Pluto, Venus, Mercury, Dozier, Coco, Meteor, Ruby, Punkin, among others. Of all she named Oreo was her favorite. She chose Oreo to be her first cow.      

When the time came her time to calve, Oreo had great difficulty – big calf, slow birth. Try as we might, we couldn’t save the calf. Jane’s father, Joseph, said “Sell her.”     

“It’s not your decision,” I offered.     

“Let’s give her another chance,” said Jane. And so, we did.    

Ten months later Oreo brought a big, stout bull calf into the world. We were all smiles. Unfortunately, Oreo’s calf came at an odd time of the year and fell victim to a bush hogging mishap a few weeks later. Strike 2. Joseph was crushed and offered one of his calves to cover Jane’s loss.   

“Better sell her,” he said.   

“Not her fault,” said I. Sometimes older eyes and hearts can see things younger ones fail to comprehend. “Let’s give her one more try.”     

As most of my readers know, my wife, Kathy, died four weeks ago. I was told by friends, and fully understood, some hard days lay ahead. Last Saturday was my worst day, so far.        

It became necessary for me to search the house for a number of items (billing statements, check books, etc.) As I looked through file folders, envelopes, binders, and desk drawers, I ran into Kathy at every turn. By the end of the day, to say I had the blues would be an understatement. I no longer wanted to be in the house. How could I escape this deep sense of loneliness and despair?      

“I’ll go and check my cows,” I thought. So, I did.      

When I arrived at the farm, I noticed Oreo was in the back of the pasture far from the rest of the herd. She was standing with another cow that had calved recently and was keeping her newborn at a safe distance. That was not unusual. Oreo, by nature, was shy. When I called the cows in to treat them to ground feed, Oreo was the last cow to come in, if she came in at all.  My focus this day was on the rest of the herd. After I counted cows and checked on all the calves, I headed back in the direction my truck.     

Being in no hurry, I gazed back across the field in Oreo’s direction. As I had checked on her in the weeks before she had shown no signs of calving.     

“Better give her a look,” I thought. “Besides, the walk will do me good.” So, I began a walk of 1000 yards. Oreo was standing with her back to me as I made my approach. I quickly noticed the back quarters of her utter had filled out.      

“Close to calving!” I thought.      

Then, he stepped out of her shadow! Black as midnight, no more than a day this side of new-born, of a wiry constitution, on legs of which he was uncertain; he “bucked’ a couple of times to let the world know he meant business.       

I cried like a baby. Then, my tears turned to rejoicing, and my rejoicing turned to praise.        

In the next hour, a friend would call out my name with a lilt in his voice as I drove past him, and I would find that a neighbor had mowed my yard at the other farm. I would discover a letter filled with carefully chosen words from a fellow mayor, and a granddaughter would volunteer to spend the night to make my house feel less empty.       

Over the past month so many, through texts, emails, cards, phone calls, and in person, have offered these words of comfort: “You are in my/our thoughts and prayers.” I have given that a great deal of thought. What does that mean? I have come to the conclusion when a person is lifted up in thought and prayer it gives God the freedom to use His creative imagination to bless.         

Like the timing of Oreo’s 3rd chance, or the sound of a friend’s voice, or the kind gesture of a neighbor, or a thoughtful letter, or a granddaughter’s sensitivity.        

I would call them “blues chasers.” But it goes far deeper than that.       

Copyright 2024 by Jack McCall    

Home-Grown Tomatoes

The late columnist, writer, humorist and avowed southerner, Lewis Grizzard once said, “The nearest thing to heaven is a home-grown tomato.” I think he may have been right, and if not right, close. A home-grown tomato is pure, natural and, at its best, southern. What could be closer to heaven than that?   

Well, it’s that time of year again. I’ve been getting daily reports on the state of this summer’s tomato crop. And I have been keeping a close eye on several gardens in the local area.           

When I think of home grown tomatoes, I can smell the tomato patch and I can feel the heat of summer. And then, I begin to think of all the possibilities.             

I can dive into a fresh, red-ripe tomato like eating an apple. I prefer a pinch of salt with it, but I can do just fine without it.   

A big slice of tomato adds color and zest to any plate of summer food. Tomatoes are just hard to beat.

Whether you call them “to-may-toes,” “to-mah-toes,” “ta-may-ters,” or “ma-ters,” it makes no difference. They are what they are…delicious! - which brings to mind a true southern delicacy, the tomato sandwich, or as some would say, “a mater samwich.”    

According to Mr. Grizzard, in order to construct a proper tomato sandwich, you must use white bread. Any other kind of bread will not do. And the white bread must be fresh. To make the optimum sandwich, the tomato must be red-ripe. Preferably, the tomato slice should be so big it covers the bottom slice of bread. Salad dressing or mayonnaise should be applied liberally to two sides of the bread.

When the sandwich is ready you must eat fast. If not, you will find yourself holding a hand-full of pink mush…but it is delicious mush.    

I have found when you take the first bite of a big tomato sandwich, you must sip from both sides of you mouth to keep from getting tomato juice on your chin, shirt, and lap. But it is well worth the potential hazard.     

A word of warning here…do not try to make a tomato sandwich with a “store bought” tomato. You will be bitterly disappointed, and it may turn you against tomatoes for the rest of your life.

Before I move on let me note that I have a friend who prefers mustard, “lots of mustard,” on her tomato sandwich.

For you tomato lovers who enjoy fresh salsa, here’s a word…well, two words, “Mrs. Wages.” You can find “Mrs. Wages” salsa mix in your grocery canning section. I think the recipe calls for 12-14 ripe tomatoes, a half-cup of cider vinegar, and the contents of the packet. Bring to a boil and simmer 10 minutes and you have six pints of great salsa. It will maintain its fresh tomato taste for the coming year. 

Caution: You must peel the tomatoes before you coarsely chop them. The results are well worth the effort. For those who like it hot, add a few chopped jalapeños to the mix.

During the last few summers of my mother’s life, she and I spent many a Saturday morning making tomato juice. My mother served as consultant and taster, and I served as the worker bee. She instructed me in how to boil the pink foam off the juice before canning, and all her other canning secrets.

Recently, I overheard a resident of west Tennessee refer to “jarring” vegetables. I had never heard that term.

 Well, I am here to tell you, I can “jar” or “can” tomato juice with the best of them.

 I’ve said all that to say this: Enjoy the fruit of the vine this summer! (You do know tomatoes are classified as a fruit?) And have a “mater samwich” on me. 

Copyright 2024 by Jack McCall

Talladega

I was in Talladega, AL a few weekends ago speaking for the Alabama Institute for the Deaf and Blind. The occasion was the Alabama School for the Blind annual Alumni Association meeting. I was there because Patti Anne Chastain, daughter, and former office manager, of the late, Bryan Townsend contacted me several months ago looking for an after-dinner speaker.

“Mr. McCall,” she said, “since Daddy died, I’ve kind of been out of the loop. Do you know of any speaker who might fit our audience?”

I told her I was no longer in contact with speakers I could recommend, but I was available. We worked out the details, secured a date, and made our plans.

Her father, Bryan Townsend, was a true Southern gentleman. And he became one of my best friends among southern humorists. We had many things in common including a love for the Lord. Bryan started the original Whosoever Will Men’s Bible Class in Talladega. His class sponsored an annual fundraiser called Humor on the Square. I was invited to speak there one year and was introduced to his class.

As southern humorists, Bryan and I differed on one unique point. Bryan had a quick wit which most great comedians share. I am more of a storyteller. He called his wife, Judy, “Judy Babe.” He would say, “My wife, Judy Babe, is a professional shopper. She shops at Talbots, Neiman Marcus, Chicos, and places like that. I only shop at Cabela’s and the Bass Pro Shop. It’s hard to buy gifts for a professional shopper when your options are limited. I thought about buying her one of those camouflage nighties, but I was afraid I couldn’t find her in the bed. So, I put up a deer stand in the bedroom and hoped I could see her walking by!”

For many years Judy worked as a volunteer with the Alabama Institute for the Deaf and Blind. Working with the deaf she became very proficient at “signing.”  

Bryan said, “Sometimes, when Judy Babe gets real angry with me, she gets so mad she can’t talk. When she does that, she starts signing to me. I just let it go in one eye and out the other!”  

Bryan was a member of Carpenters for Christ. It is a group of men who come together once a year and build churches across the country. A church will secure land, raise money, and purchase building materials. On a specified date, over 100 carpenters and helpers will show up and build a church from the ground up. The builders will finish the project in only 2 weeks.

A few years ago, the “Carpenters” were set to build a church in Franklin, TN. Six weeks out, for undisclosed reasons, the deal fell through. All those carpenters and workers had vacation time set aside and nowhere to go. In less than six weeks Bryan Townsend hired an architect, had plans drawn up, raised the money, cleared codes and zoning, and was ready for the Carpenters for Christ to come to Talladega. They built a brand new, modern meeting facility for the Whosoever Will Men’s Bible Class of Talladega, AL.

I visited them on Sunday morning. The spirit of Bryan Townsend still lingers in the building.

Back to the speech on Saturday evening.

I told some of my life’s best and funniest stories.

I quoted the unflappable, blind Helen Keller who said, “Life is a daring adventure, or nothing at all!”

And from a book titled The Little Prince, I quoted the little talking fox who said, “That which is essential is invisible to the eyes. Only with the heart does one see rightly.”

And if you are wondering, persons who are blind can laugh with the best of them.

Copyright 2024 by Jack McCall 

In Tribute

My wife, Kathy, was laid to rest on Saturday, May 18. It only seemed right I deliver the eulogy at her funeral service. There were a few times over our 44 years of marriage, when we were involved in serious discussion; I would say, “sometimes I don’t think I even know you.”

 She would always counter with, “You know me better than anyone else in the whole world!” I suppose that was true.

 I wanted so badly to properly honor her extraordinary life. Where would I find the words?

When Kathy retired a few years ago, I purchased matching recliners for our den. A small glass-top table sits between them. Next to a reading lamp it became a perfect resting place for her Bible and daily devotionals. I have several Bibles, but hers became one I turned to often because it was so handy. Over the past year I have read from it many, many times.

In the days leading up to her memorial service I struggled to find words to say. Then, the day before her service I was strangely drawn to her Bible. In all the times I had read her Bible I had never noticed the notes she had penned on the inside of the front and back covers. But there they were - her words, her thoughts written in her beautifully distinctive writing style.

How better could I tell you about her? Here are her thoughts:

 “Time and good friends are 2 things that become more valuable the older we get.”

“Live like there is no midnight.”

   “Life is to be lived to enjoy, not endured.”

 “A strong man can handle a strong woman. A weak man will say she has an attitude.”

 “Surprise yourself every day with your own courage.”

“Laughter is an instant vacation.”

“Don’t trade God’s timing for your own deadline.”

“What matters most is how you see yourself.”

“When life gives you more than you can stand, kneel.”

“Don’t stop when you are tired, stop when you are done.”

“The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up!” 

“Realize how lucky you are.”

 “Either way, you run the day, or the day runs you.”

“Mindset is everything.”

 “To trust God in the light is nothing, but to trust Him in the dark – that is FAITH.”

“In our waiting, God is working.”

“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.”

“Stay patient and trust your journey.”

“Believe you can, and you are ½ way there.”

“Always remember to fall asleep with a dream and wake up with a purpose.”

“It’s hard to find your faith inside your comfort zone.”

“Well behaved women rarely make history.”

“Solitude is the place for purification.”

“The best mirror is an old friend.”

“Pain shapes a woman into a warrior.”

“Happiness is the best makeup.”

“Try to be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud.”

“Be honest. Be silly. Be Kind.”

“Forever is composed of now.”

“If you can imagine it, it is possible.”

“Some women fear the fire. Others become it.”

“Today can become a great day if you make it so.”

“The secret of life is that it ends.”

Well, I could not have said it better myself. Now you know why so many people loved her.

Copyright 2024 by Jack McCall

Gone

My wife, Kathy, passed away this past week. We didn’t see it coming. Looking back, there may have been a few telltale signs something was wrong, but nothing remarkable. On Wednesday evening, May 8, she complained, “I have a headache, and I never have a headache.”

“Oh, you’ve had headaches before,” I answered.

“Not like this one,” she said.

“How’s your headache?” I asked the next morning.

“Still there,” she said.

Later in the day, I noticed a grocery list she had written down. Words were misspelled and irregularly spaced on her note pad. (Not like her at all.) Later in the day, our granddaughters reported her driving to be unusually erratic on a routine trip.

On Thursday evening as we got ready for bed, she casually remarked, “I think I have a brain tumor. I’m going to the ER in the morning.”

“Whatever you say,” I said.

The next morning (Friday) she called a lifelong friend and RN to come to the house. As Kathy voiced her concerns, her friend noticed a slight trimmer in Kathy’s right hand.

“We’re going to the hospital now, she said.

A CT scan revealed a malignant mass in Kathy’s left lung which had metastasized leaving four lesions (tumors) on her brain.

I was by her side when she was given the news. She calmly looked at me and said, “I told you.”

She was immediately transferred from Trousdale Medical Center to Highpoint Regional (Sumner) for an MRI. We received the results on the following morning (Saturday.)

The MRI revealed leakage from the tumors and swelling of the brain. We were given two options due to the aggressive nature of the tumors.

Option one was to transfer Kathy to ICU and begin aggressive radiation treatment. We were later informed by the oncologist due to the size of two of the tumors a positive outcome was unlikely. We would only be buying time.

Option two was take her home under hospice care.

I have experienced only a very few times in my life when I found it almost impossible to take my next breath. This was one of them.   

Kathy’s health deteriorated rapidly over the course of the day. After much discussion, we honored her wishes.

She softly whispered, “I want to go home.”

We returned to Trousdale Medical Center where she rested comfortably on Sunday and Monday. As she lapsed in and out of consciousness, she was blessed to continue to recognize those nearest and dearest to her and express her love. I have never witnessed so many “I love you’s”  

Over her last fleeting days which turned out to be too few for us she offered a few classic lines.

To a close friend she said, “I have a brain tumor and I’m going to die. And that’s ok.”

Near the end, when we were alone, she whispered, “Jack, it’s going to be alright.”  She also told me not to cry.

On Tuesday afternoon we told her we were taking her home to sleep in her own bed. She smiled and whispered, “I’m ready!”

Kathy Oakley McCall gave me three fine sons. We stayed with her and took turns holding her hand and played her favorite music until the end. And we prayed the angels would come quickly. God did not disappoint us.

She was my confidant, my lover, my wife of 44 years, and my sister in Christ Jesus.

God, I’ll miss her!

Copyright 2024 by Jack McCall